Latest posts
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Shock
What surprises me most about grief is how functional I feel. People have been dying since the first person died, so I keep telling myself, “This is normal. People are meant to move on.” I’ve known a lot of people who have lost loved ones, and they seem so normal, so functional. I wonder why…
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Who was I? Who was he?
So I started this grief writing group. Kind of intense so far as yesterday the private Facebook group opened up for all of us. We didn’t have any prompts sent to us yet, but we were allowed to share little introductions of how we got there. I joined late but stayed up till 1:30 reading…
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Writer’s Block and Whale Watching
I’ve had writer’s block. But then, I think I’ve had appropriate-feelings block so i know there is a lot in the way, I’m trying to do the Grief Group workbook, but it feels tedious and boring, even thought I’ve only been in there two of the 14 weeks. I know its healthy, but it is…
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My Daughter, My Biographer
Justine seems to be doing very well at the moment. There is a ‘grief group’ at her school that she attends with a couple of other children who are dealing with loss. She’s asked me not to share the things she talks about there with anyone else, but she doesn’t mind my sharing this video of…
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The Eye of the Beholder
“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” Helen Keller I haven’t the heart to weigh myself at the moment, but I’m sure I’ve put on a few pounds since Vernon left us. Really? More side effects? This is not making me feel…
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Metamorphosis
“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.” ― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis I keep meaning to write my thoughts, if for nothing than to get them out of me, and then by the time I sit down to do it,…
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Grief Group
I attended my first Grief Group meeting last night. I’m not allowed to talk about the other members so I’ll just share my experience. I will say I felt like crying as soon as I entered the room. That’s not a bad sign, I don’t think. It’s just that I knew I’d be asked any minute…
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memories, dreams, reflections
I keep remembering vivid moments from the past and think: “oh this is part of this grieving process everyone tells me I’m going through.” But Vernon isn’t always in the moments. Sometimes the memories are set in London, so I think: yes, this is about Vernon, time we spent there together. But when I try…
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Echo and the Bunnymen
I took Maki to a concert last night, the first proper one I’ve taken him to. We bought tickets 6 months before just to make sure it would happen. We are both very sentimental about this band Echo and the Bunnymen, a big post-punk band from the 80s. I loved them in High School myself,…
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The Death Cafe
I met a lady today. She was maybe ten years older than me. Her husband is suddenly on hospice after recognizing his lung cancer too late to do much more about it. I was just leaving coffee with buddy Chris Adams and a friend. He flagged me back as I was driving away, letting me know she had just run into…